Thursday, May 31, 2007

midnight midwife blues

I have been through the slow cervical dilation with you. You have moaned in my ear. We have walked the halls, rocked on chairs, and squatted on the floor together. Your focus has moved from me (am I doing this right?) to your partner (we can do this) to someplace deep within yourself. To a place I cannot go with you. I am your midwife. I sit by your side, and hold your hand. I accompany you on this journey, but you are the traveller. You lead the way.
And now, after long hours of daylight, and longer hours of night, we are still on this journey together. Your body rhythm helps you sleep a deep sleep between the hard working contractions. And during the peak of those contractions, you remain in your hypnotic trance.
I, on the other hand, am here, awake, exhausted, committed, but with heavy lids, and an aching body. I promise I will not leave. But I cannot promise to not to creak as I stretch my legs under your chair, one at a time, so I do not jostle your perfect calm.
In another hour, the first blue light of dawn will bring us all new faith that the birth is near. But for now, I am your midwife, gently holding your hand, and tenderly guarding the faith that this baby is worth this long, sleepless night.